Men with attachment problems: reasons, signs and what to do (2023)

Women often ask themselves,Why are there so many men with commitment issues?

The answer might surprise you. It turns out that many things are contributing to this problem. From biological factors to societal pressures, there are many reasons why commitment can be difficult for some people. In this article, you'll see:

  • The many different aspects that make commitment challenging for some people.
  • How to help them overcome these obstacles with their partner
  • Ways to overcome commitment issues

table of contents

What are commitment issues?

Commitment issues are when a person struggles to maintain a relationship; The reasons why this can happen are extensive. Typically, those who find it difficult to commit to a romantic relationship will encounter similar struggles in other areas of their lives.

What does it mean to have commitment issues?

When people say, "I have commitment issues," they are referring to a person's difficulty settling down. However, this situation can also beemotional unavailabilityor fear of intimacy.

If you're struggling to commit, it's essential to understand the reasons behind your struggles. Unfortunately, most men with commitment issues hardly know the depth of the problem. They are known as the commitment-phobic man.

What causes a man to have commitment issues?

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Commitment issues can arise from many causes and it's a good idea to understand the different types. There are two main categories:fear-based commitment problems and challenge-based commitment problems.

1. Fear-Based Commitment Problems

Fear can come from experience with an individual or from past relationships. This type of fear has its roots infear of rejectionor abandonment, which can be overcome. Additionally, these fears can be commitment concerns, including ddoubts that the person can maintain a relationshipand included aunwillingness to make a long-term commitment.

2. Challenge-based Engagement Issues

Challenge problems arise from theneed for novelty, stimulation, or boredom in life🇧🇷 This type of commitment problem is rooted in the individual's need for a new challenge or to do something different.

You can manifest these challenges by turning down marriage, home ownership, and other long-term commitments because they aren't attractive enough.

What are the types of commitment issues?

Let's take a look at why commitment phobia exists in men who shudder at the thought of a serious relationship.

1. Fear of rejection

Many men don't fear "being tied down" as much as the thought of a woman they are madly in love with losing interest and leaving them. For this reason, this guy will move away from his desire for a serious relationship.

2. Anxiety in relationships

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Relationship anxiety is real; the first three signs are self-silent,excessive search for security, and leaning back towards your partner. This hypervigilance is exhausting anderodes a person's self-esteem over time.

3. Does not want to be smothered or controlled

The core value of the masculine core is freedom. Some men refer to their partners as "ball and chain". The reality is that having a woman in your own life creates more freedom than you can imagine.

Unfortunately, society makes the female narrative a threat to male independence. Men who fear being controlled become quiet, nervous, upset or angry at any mention of future plans.

4. He believes he's going to screw up

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According toDiana Kirschner, Psychology Today, men are biologically programmed to act and produce. Furthermore, this materialistic culture has taught them thatThe measure of a man's worth is his success in terms of power and money.🇧🇷 This particular fear can make it difficult to get into a serious relationship, no matter how wonderful it is.

(Video) 8 Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

Deep down, this guy is scared that heYou cannot give a woman what she deserves or needs..

5. Trust issues surrounding women

Some men have had difficult, even traumatic, experiences with the women in their lives. If it was her emotionallyunavailable mother or former handler, can leave a scar on your desire to find and keep the woman of your dreams. To heal this scar you canLearn how to build a trusting relationship with women.

6. Fear of not making the right decision for him

A typical pattern for serial dating is meeting a great woman and starting to build a great relationship, but then distrusting her judgment. Suddenly, you start to regret the emotional attachment that the relationship brings. This man is afraid to commit to a long-term relationship because of the possibility that the perfect woman is just around the corner.

The truth is, you will have this problem with every woman in the world until you work intrusting his decisions as a man.

What to do if your man has commitment issues?

1. Look at your own beliefs about commitment.

Likewise, men are advised when they are young to avoid commitments like the plague. Meanwhile, women are encouraged to run to him. Look for signs that your man is interested in you, listens to you, and cares about you on a daily basis.

Of course, if there are few or no signs of this, that's a problem. However, if he shows all the signs of being a loving and caring couple but isn't ready to talk about marriage or kids, then you can't pressure someone else to commit that way.

Not without damaging the relationship or creating feelings of concern in your spouse.

2. Realize when help is needed

There are many experts in this field, be it a dating expert or couples therapy. Or, if there are children involved, seeing a family therapist might be the right path for both of you.

Relationships need both people to work side by side., supporting each other in a world that can be overwhelming, especially when embarking alone. Connection tools and techniques can be incredibly helpful in creating closeness and longevity in relationships.

3. Address fear of commitment by talking LESS

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This will be highly controversial, but verbal communication is probably not what will move your relationship forward and forge commitment, tenderness, and intimacy.

If a guy tells you he doesn't want to talk about his fear of commitment or doesn't even acknowledge those fears.It's no use talking in circles.

So what can you do instead?

In a word:

Connection > Communication

Find non-verbal ways to connectand they begin to feel comfortable and loved with each other. If you resent not being where you'd like to be in the relationship, don't lose sight of why you want that.

This person must be special to you if you want a serious relationship with them.

Admire your qualities by letting your natural empathy come to the fore. Open yourself to your depth, vulnerabilities and uniqueness. And also open to your sense of understanding, grace and patience.

These qualities not only ignite passion, but also make it difficult for a man to imagine a future without you.

If you're looking for more ways to connect without talking, here it is.14 creative steps without talking to repair a relationship.

(Video) 8 Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style


increase yourconfidence, master yoursexuality, and find yourobjective.

so you canrevivethe passion in your relationship orAttractsyour perfect woman

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Warning signs and red flags of a man having trouble committing

These are the most common signs of men having commitment issues:

1. Confusing messages

Hot and cold behavior in a relationship can be a red flag for men with commitment issues. Although,nothing is less sexy to a woman than an inconsistent guywhich is only available when it suits you.

These guys often go all-in for a period and then drastically change their behavior.

This is known asbreadcrumbsand creates a false sense of hope and leaves the person wondering and hoping for a relationship that is unlikely to happen. This man will get close enough to give the other person a hint of a genuine connection. Inevitably, this will leave you hungry for more.

Beware of inconsistent communication, flakiness, and not learning anything about him over time.

2. Not introduced to family and friends.

This is not a reason in itself. Families in particular can be tricky, or maybe you haven't realized how much you'd like to get to know the other people in your life.

However, what you need to watch out for is his reaction when you suggest meeting his family to make friends. If he rejects the idea, see if he's interested in having an open conversation about why he doesn't feel comfortable with you interacting with the rest of his social circle.

If the answers are vague, it could mean that you are commitment-phobic and not looking for a serious relationship.

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3. Emotional withdrawal

A big sign of emotional isolation is prioritizing physical intimacy over emotional intimacy. So if you notice that you are the one who is always making plans to get together, it usually means that this man is not emotionally available for you.

If you're feeling the ice wall that is emotional withdrawal, the first step is to understand things from your partner's point of view.

Ask yourself: "Why do they feel the need to retire?

(Video) Reactive Attachment Disorder, Causes, Signs and Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment.

Next, you need to express your feelings to your partner. Tell him how much he means to you and how painful it is to be left out. Finally, find out how you can work together to get back in love.

4. Sabotage the relationship

This is dangerous territory for you, the partner. A man truly terrified of commitment will burn the relationship if he feels it's getting too intense for him.

You have to be honest with yourself, if this is the case is it safe for you in this relationship? Or is it something you can overcome together? Only you can answer that question.

5. Story of adventures and short-term relationships

These men often feel trapped and would have a heart attack at the thought of getting married and sharing the rest of their lives with just one person. It helps to get an idea of ​​your past relationships and the reasons why they didn't work out.

6. Focuses on small issues

He could have a beautiful, loving wife, an amazing love life, but whenever he can, he will find flaws in the relationship. The way your partner breathes or arranges the pillows becomes an issue. Children who focus on small problems often don't even realize that they are afraid of a future where they are trusted.

7. Emotional detachment

Shame can often be the catalyst for emotional detachment. Shame is a paralyzing feeling of not being worthy in relationships and has negative consequences for a man's self-esteem, as men see themselves as protective.

Shame often deepens in men as they feel less and less able to make their partners happy. Their own well-being is jeopardized unless they learn to be vulnerable with their true feelings, which is the ultimate antidote to emotional detachment for the commitment-phobic male.

How do commitment issues affect your partner?

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Being on the harder side of a man with commitment issues can be painful and confusing. The commitment-phobic man tends to send mixed messages, drawing his woman to him and then pushing her away for the reasons explained above.

The woman must remember how little her process has to do with her. Many women blame themselves, and while it's important to speak up, you can't rush it.

Men grow at their own pace: the decision you have to make is whether you're willing to support him as he deals with commitment issues or whether you want to look elsewhere for love. The only thing you can't do is rush the relationship.

Pressure only leads to arguments, stress, and relationship imbalances.

Signs that you have commitment issues

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1. Seek tranquility

You are constantly looking for reassurance from your partner that you are loved. This is a common pattern of commitment issues and can occur in both men and women. If this is something you notice about yourself or someone else, it could mean they aren't sure their partner will stick with them.

2. Constantly wanting the relationship to slow down

Desiring a slower pace in a relationship is a frequent pattern for those with commitment issues. Keep in mind, though, if this is something you've noticed in dating or if your current partner wants to move at breakneck speed. So guys, it's important to note that feeling like your relationship is going too fast doesn't automatically mean commitment issues. Still, if it happens regularly, it might be worth exploring.

3. You avoid the "deep stuff"

do not sitcomfortable conversationyour partner about personal things. This is a sign of commitment issues in men. If you find it difficult to open up even when faced with something as simple as the TV show you want to watch, there may be an underlying fear or insecurity that is getting in the way.

How do commitment issues affect your partner?

It's understandable that the relationship can suffer if a man is afraid of commitment. Commitment issues can cause a man to become less involved in the relationship, making himyou are more likely to cheat and spend your time on other things rather than your partner.

Men who have commitment issues can quickly become bored with relationships. They are afraid that when they get closer, their partner will leave as soon as they want something serious or break up.

Commitment issues can also cause a man to be unavailable or withdrawn because he doesn't want the responsibility of being up close and personal with his partner, so he pushes her away.

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How to overcome commitment issues

the first step is meIdentify the root cause of your engagement issues.🇧🇷 There are many different reasons why men might have trouble committing, so it's essential to determine the cause and work on it.

Next step:take responsibility for your feelings🇧🇷 It's easy to blame others for our failures, but the truth is, everyone is 100% responsible for their thoughts and actions. You cannot change someone else's behavior, you are only in control of yourself. It would be best if you also sought guidance. For example, you can attend free training frombest advisors.

(Video) Attachment Issues in Men | Relationship Problems Many Males Face

Finally,give yourself time and space away from relationshipsto create a fulfilling and successful life. Dating can be fun, but having your dreams is more important so you're not constantly chasing someone else's happiness.


It's a lesson discussed for centuries, and this essay has only scratched the surface. Men need to be aware of their commitment bias in order to make better decisions about the direction of their relationship. The best path forward might not sound like what you expect, but at least now you know why!

If you want to learn how to overcome commitment issues to save your marriage or manifest the relationship of your dreams,watch my free training here.

common questions

What is the meaning of commitment questions?

Fear of commitment is usually related or linked to relationship anxiety or commitment phobia. Essentially, those with commitment issues have a hard time committing to a relationship.

Why do men avoid commitment?

Men with commitment issues are often afraid of having a partner for life. It could be the fear of marriage and the concept of being "stuck" in a relationship. You may also be dealing with a fear of not being enough for your partner, whether that be in terms of success, appearance or sex.

Are boys with commitment issues making a comeback?

A man with commitment issues, also known as commitment phobia, may return to a relationship. Women are often afraid of scaring men with a desire for a long-term relationship, but if a man can overcome his feelings of past fear, he will be much more likely to commit to his dating pursuits.

Are you afraid of commitment or just don't like it?

There's no secret code to learning this, and while there are signs you can look for, the truth is, it's best to ask him right away. Instead, try to approach the subject without judgment and know that commitment fears are common and normal, but have much more to do with the person's past than their current partner.

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Steffo Shambo

Men's Relationship Coach

Steffo is the founder ofThe Tantric Man's Experience, the world's #1 male mentoring program. there helpmen in relationshipsrekindle the passion to restore their marriages on the brink of divorce. YSongsattract the women of your dreams naturally with success. He is on a mission to guide men into intimate and meaningful relationships and end the war with their sexuality so that they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands and leaders in the world.

“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrick, Sweden
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